Fatal Flaw

Patience. I hate patience.  Mostly because I have so little – my patience bank has been overdrawn since the day I was born. Since, I have tried to build my patience skills but normally that fails because I am unable to patiently learn a new skill.  Vicious circle, I suppose.

Wait until your body recovers.  Wait until your body releases the correct hormones & cells. Wait until your travel schedule actually allows you to be in the same state, let alone the same house. Wait until you have to go and, finally, wait until the timer stops counting.  I H.A.T.E. waiting.

In the meantime, all I can do it hope but I feel like my “hoper” is broken.  If I hope too hard, I am afraid I will break my already damaged beyond repair soul. What if I hope so hard that I believe my dreams will be fulfilled and am disappointed?  Will I be able to recover from another loss? 

So instead, I stress. I am really good at stressing and worrying. It is the virtue I was given in place of patience.  I am told this can only make things worse and harder. Great. Which leads me to start stressing about stressing.  Dear lord, the cycle is unending.

Good things come to those who wait. Really?! Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Summertime Sadness

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