Four months. Four months have pasted since we got married – tied the knot – locked it down – or what have you. It seems like forever ago but, yet, it feels like yesterday. So much has happened and so much has changed. But, again, nothing really has happened or changed.
We had big plans for this summer, just like we do every summer. We were going to get more use out of our tent, get those bikes off the garage ceiling for at least one trip, cram in an extra round of golf (or five). Somehow the summer slipped away and we didn’t get to accomplish any of those bucket list items. The coveted warmth is quickly exiting, the trees are losing their fashionable shades, and our list of goals is now becoming unattainable.
I find myself feeling guilty about wasting our summer. I know a large majority was spent lounging on the desk, guzzling wine, and attempting to heal my broken soul. And it was exactly what I needed. What WE needed. Each other. That is all.
Yes, our “honeymoon phase” is marred by the pain of loss.
Maybe it is the soothing comfort of time but I am beginning to see a larger picture. We managed. We SURVIVED. We supported each other and came out the other side. We dealt with it, and still deal with it, in our own ways. But at the end of the day, his arms are the ones that comfort me when I breakdown and support me when a kind person casually asks me when we plan to start expanding our family.
I am trying to let go. WE are trying to let go.