I forgot

Almost ten years ago, I was told getting pregnant would be a chore, if it was even possible.

Three years ago, I was insensitively remind of that fact – as if I had somehow been able to forget.

Thirty-five weeks ago, I was told that we were lucky to be pregnant and should know that our child would likely be premature – not just a few weeks premature but a scary, unhealthy, few months premature.

Three weeks ago, I was told that we have proven all the textbooks and literature wrong. We beat the odds which were stacked unbelievably high against us.

One week ago, we celebrated thirty-six weeks – a date I thought I would be celebrating with an infant or, worse-case, in the NICU.

I spent hours researching premature babies and reading NICU parenting blogs – I thought I was preparing myself for the inevitable. Turns out, I was just being the overly prepared mother who didn’t trust her instincts and, instead, listened to textbooks.

I had forgotten how incredibly stubborn I am and how incredibly stubborn Daddy is. I failed to take into account that this kid is half of each of us.

(Hammie - If you are half as stubborn as I think you are, we are in trouble. If you are half of the overachiever you have been so far, I can’t wait to see what you will accomplish.)

This is how we roll

(the song is only slightly related to this post.  Mainly, it is Daddy’s fav - possibly, of all time)

36 Weeks – And they said it would never happen!

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Date: 4/23/14

Cravings: Raisin Bran and goat cheese

Bump: Yes, it is huge.

Latest Project: Making BIGGER cloth diapers – who knew you might need them?!

Nursery Status: Finished – we added another lamp and a new picture.

Fear: Stretch marks will take over my body.

Excitement: Any day now……

Complaint: Seriously, do you think my lungs are a nice pillow?  Also, I am sure it is cramped in there but do you really need to throw your whole body to the left when I am sitting? There is lots of room if you would decide to hang out in my lower abdomen!

Thanks to: Daddy for rubbing my sore swollen feet.

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I hope you…

1. … have your daddy’s sense of humor.

2. … never stop asking why.

3. … always question authority.

4. … have a tiny baby nose like momma and daddy.

5. … have tiny baby ears like daddy.

6. … thirst for knowledge about everything.

7. … don’t catch your parents’ insane sweet tooth.

8. … have the self-confidence to always love yourself

9. and stand up for those who are unable to love themselves.

10. … love to read.

11. … love to play outside.

12. … remember that your parents were the first to love you

13. and will always love you.

14. … love avocado.

15. … desire to try new things and never limit yourself.

16. … know every decision we have made/will make is because we only want the best for you.

17. … decide to be different.  Not for the sake of being different but for the sake of being you.

18. … realize that being different is awesome.

19. … find something to be passionate about.

20. … fall in and out of love with different people, music, and art.

21. … travel the world.

22. … are open-minded to new ideas.

23. … are stubborn.

24. … jump out of airplanes.

25. … aren’t allergic to the sun like momma.

26. … know that, no matter what you do, you will always make us proud.

27. … learn to trust your instincts – 95% of the time they are right.

28. … go to graduate school – not because you have to but because learning is amazing.

29. … fall in love with your grandparents because they are already in love with you.

30. … like veggies.

31. … always return your momma’s calls.

32. … enjoy returning your momma’s calls.

33. … make mistakes and learn how to fix them.

34. … love museums (momma needs someone to go with!).

35. … have dance parties in your room when no one is watching.

36. … dream big.

One for every week I have dreamt about you – even when you were a figment of our imagination.

 I hope you dance

 

34 Weeks

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Date: 4/10/14

Cravings: Avocados (in everything) and Chocolate

Bump: Yup

Latest Project: Prepping cloth diapers and organizing (and reorganizing) things in your closet/drawers.

Nursery Status: DONE!!!

Fear: I will never fit into my pre-pregnancy pants.

Excitement: Knowing I will get to see your face soon!

Complaint: Being an obsessive planner and all, it is killing me that I have no idea or control over when you decide to show up. Also, the splitting muscle on the left side of my belly – couldn’t you hang out on the right side more often?!

34 Wks - 3

32 Weeks

 

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Date: 3/26/14

Cravings: Mexican Food (salsa and avocados) , Cheerios, Ice Cream, Pickles

Bump: Yes!

Latest Project: Sewing a stash of newborn cloth diapers.

Nursery Status: Rocking chair is ordered and on the way!

Fear: I won’t know when you are on your way. Or won’t realize it until too late.

Excitement: Knowing that you are SO close to coming and that it is safe for you.

Complaint: Loving every minute but it is getting really difficult to put on pants/shoes!

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30 Weeks

 

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Date: 3/12/14

Cravings: Avocado, McDonald’s chocolate shakes, Cheerios, Rolo’s

Bump: Mmhmmm, it most definitely is.

Latest Project: Creating an organizer for you closet.

Nursery Status: Everything is ready – but we are still waiting on Daddy to order the rocking chair!

Fear: We won’t have everything we need when you decide to come. Also, that my wedding band and engagement ring may never fit again.

Excitement: Touring the hospital. Also, you started getting the hiccups which was really cute at first and now I just feel bad for you – seriously, 4 times yesterday? It was an added bonus to see you hiccup on the ultrasound!

Complaint: Tightness in my hips and feeling tired all the time – but it is totally worth it because I am feeling pretty comfortable still!

30 Wks - 3

28 Weeks – 3rd Trimester!

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Cravings: Ice cream, Rolo’s, Avocado, Cheerios (not Crispix! Go figure!)

Bump: Most definitely.

Latest Project: Finishing the sleep sack and working on your bubble mobile.

Nursery Status: Still waiting on daddy to order our rocker! Once the mobile is done, everything is ready for you to come!

Fear: Today I got teary-eyed when I realized we are going to be parents in the next three months.  That is incredibly overwhelming and scary.  Also, I fear that I don’t have enough for you to wear when you get here…. hopefully going naked is cool with you!

Excitement: 12 weeks or less until we get to meet you!

Complaint: Your head on my stomach is making all meals extremely painful.

Thanks To: Daddy for putting up with my mood swings.

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26 Weeks

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Date:   2/12/14

Cravings: Grilled Cheese Sammies, Sparkling Apple Juice, Ice Cream, & Crispix’s

Bump: Yes – it is definitely here!

Latest Project: Knitting a snuggly sleep sack!

Nursery Status: Dresser, Book shelf, Crib (and all bedding), and Artwork is all completed!  Just need your daddy to order the rocking chair and hang the artwork!

Fear: My stomach is going to split in two – serious skin stretching in the past few weeks.

Excitement: My hair is super thick and long!!!!

Complaint: Needing to pee every hour (or more often) is getting really old.

Thanks To: Granny and Auntie T for painting your crib!

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Today

There are certain songs that make me cry.  I am not sure why but sometimes it feels good to play them and let the tears go. Today is that day. Today is February 6th – the day I have been dreading since July 6th. We were supposed to be excited about today. Today was supposed to change our lives. Today was supposed to be the day we became a family – a real true family – complete with the dog, toy cluttered living room, and lack of sleep.

Someday, today will turn into any other day but, for now, I press repeat one. more. time. Tomorrow, I’ll be happy.  Tomorrow, I’ll be fine. Today, I hold on.

I Hold On